Winnipeg Shuffle

Walking down the streets in the daylight
Smelling the road salt, dirt, & car exhaust
Makes me wonder if this will become my home
For the next 6 months or so
Maybe I should just go pack my bags
Take enough food for a day & hit the road
But night time fog casts a spell
Provincial building lights take me away
To a place I can't fully remember
Or maybe it was a movie or a dream
Sometimes I forget where I am
Then I snap out of it
That's how deep in thought I get
Losing sense of space & time
Funky old buildings say hello to me
What are those things around the trees
D.E.D. has taken hold here *
The river smells like apple juice
I speak to you long distance
Called my summertime friend in Michigan
Said I dialed the wrong number she just laughed
Yes life is kinda' funny
I just wish I had a guitar cuz I'd sing you a song

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D.E.D. stands for Dutch Elm Disease

Stuck In Winnipeg For Now

Well I have gotten myself stuck in Winnipeg for the time being. I don't know exactly how long I'll be here but it'll be for a couple of months atleast. I am extremely low on cash. I have a roof over my head. It's not the Holiday Inn on Tyson's corner in Virginia, that's for sure, but it is a roof, complete with cockroaches & other disgusting critters. What my nirghbors are like I have no idea. I made 2 friends here so far, a couple of women, I was gonna' say girls, but I guess age is slowly sinking in for me, I am 35, but folks think I am a lot younger. God bless Noxema. Yes I used it as a kid, when I was staying with some English folks & they said you'll hate for it now, but thank us later on. I guess they are right. Of course on really bad days when all ther chips are down & I am stressed you can see the wrinles in my forehead & around my eyes. Life is hard, life is harder when you are stupid. I think I am somewhere in between. Oh well too late to turn back now. Way too late. Anyhow gotta' roll, get things going, get a job, & all that stuff. Food, blankets, pots, pans, broom, etc., etc.. Jeseus Christ I went from having everything I needed to this, but what a journey. From last August to now, but even still I don't like this town, sure the old building are funky, but it's not where I want to be. I want to go see Montreal. Maybe even live there. But to get to there I gotta' first do some stuff here. Actually I have no idea where I am going I am just going.

One Step Closer To The End

Well I have exhausted everything. If I don't get answers soon for what is going on, someone else will probably get them, or who knows it just might remain a mystery. I have nothing left, no reason live live, I debate whether or not after I finish my morning cup of coffee to go out onto the street in front of this cafe & step in front of a bus. That will learn 'em. There ya' go, You didn't win, well neither did I, & that's about it really. Road pizza. Stylish road pizza, Cultered road pizza. All those people who tried to make me into something will have lost their money. The actors, the dancers, & everyone else. Spalt! Screech. Mental trauma for the bus driver passengers & witnessess. The various ripples & aftershocks it will cause elsewhere. Then after awhile life goes on. Just another casualty. Communism one step closer to spreading across the world. Freedom & democracy on the verge of becoming a thing of the past. Then again maybe someone else will follow in my footsteps. Say communism is gay, homo-sexuals, terrorist huggers, & retards, & people who want to spread that all across this country, the US, UK, & coalition can stick it up their ass. The silent wars in cyberspace, other dimensions, etc., etc.. Actually there's this really spacey music playing. If I still had a place to live, I'd turn this & my other blog into some movie, but I don't. So I guess I'll just go kill myself. How though is another question. I like drama so I'd have to make it dramatic. This is melodrama, everything is good, everythoing is bad, everything is good again, everything is fucked up & various variations.

Maybe I've Gone Crazy

You know perhaps this is all in my head & I have gone mental & maybe need to spend some time in the cuckoos nest. Unhinged, derrange, loony tunes. Mental break down. Maybe this is a midlife crisis. Well it's beyond crisis, it's a super huge meltdown & catastrophe.

I think I'll go seek some help. Let's see, lack of eating, injuries, stress, stress, more stress, & so many other things I can't even begin to explain or could ever explain cuz everything is just so fucked up & convoluted.

I went from having an ideal life, the envy of a lot of folks, not a lot of money, but one heck of a good time & interesting time. Now it's in the tiolet, & I have gone bonkers. Almost evrything I thought of as a kid. Computers, website, acting gigs, music gigs, poetry gigs, a city job, some cool talented friends, & blah, blah, blah.

Now it's all fucked up. Who too blame. Maybe myself. Maybe there were others, who knows. I guess I should just let it all be & pick up the pieces. You kinda' have to wonder though what really went on. I know there were a few days there that disappeared, maybe even years. What happened. Alien abduction? Near comatose sleep? Malnutrition, over exertion? I could think of a million things. Maybe this isn't even real, maybe you're not real, maybe nothing is real, perhaps we are just all lving on line & don't know it. An endless variation of the same scenario played over again & again over millions of millenia. Or who knows maybe this is just some big videogame we all are stuck in. Maybe it's someone's dream. Someone's nightmare.

Suicide?

Canada won't leave me alone, I tried to seek asylum in the US, maybe I'll just kill myself to be rid of Canada & it's stupid games. Everywhere I go the army, RCMP, & CSIS are playing their stupid little games, but I will never serve this country because they harbour terrorists, have tried to make me a communist, homo-sexual, & retard. Anyhow I have frost bite on my feet, & other things going on, I would like to thank the RCMP, CSIS, & the CF for this. Yes as dumb as your stupid games are I will never play them so kiss my ass. Well more than likely kiss my dead rigamortis filled ass. How I will end this is a mystery there are so many ways. I could do it quick & easy, do it with style, or just make it pain grisly. Canada you lose again. But then if I decided to live you still lose. I will never sevre you. I had to ruffled a lott of feathers to find out just how gullible & impressionable you are & now I know. Yes suck the rotten fooot cheeze from my frostbitten feet, infact maybe I go wandering again in the snow so I get super serious frost bit & they have to amputate my feet, ha ha, how do you like that? Canada I can only think of one word to describe you right now, & that is you're gay! I think I'll live & maybe damage my body enough just to make my point & laugh at all the money you have wasted trying to corral me. Sooner or later my feet will have to go, They have not recoved yet. I will be stumpy. Definitely ineligable for everything so you lose, no matter what I do, but I think I will live just to prove my point, & further embarass you. I may be the laughing stock of where ever I go now, but hey Canada put me in this boat so if anything they are the true idiots.

Alive, safe & well.

I am not a wnated man or anything like that. The smoke has cleared. What a nightmare though. Anyhow time to get on with life.

I Guess Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

Well anyways once I do get this sorted out I will be relieved this is just crazy. Well I guess this just goes to show in this day & age anything is possible. Perhaps aliens will land tommorow, or God will come, or who knows. Movie people are probably eating tis up, would make some kinda' fascinating movie. Some guy unbeknowenst to him is thrust into a world of craziness, then the further he digs the more outrageous it gets, & questions who, what, when, where, why, & how?

How Well Do You Know The Person Beside You

Yes now I have to ask all the folks in local police forces, R.C.M.P., C.S.I.S., & the Canadian Forces how well do you know the person standing next to you? Are they one of these hidden communists waiting to stab you in the back or convert you? Maybe you should quit your job while you still can before they try to pull something on you like they are on me? How deep seeded in this is in the Canadian government? US companies that are based here have to ask themselves what is going on at their factories, office buildings, research labs or whatever. The communists are taking advantage of the situation & using the intel they gain to further communist causes. All your top secret info that you thought was safe in Canada could be compromised, beware, don't say I didn't warn you.

OMEGA1x

One genetically modified slightly defective super soldier with some mutant powers up for hire. Do you have what it takes to save me? Perhaps even freedom & democracy or maybe even mankind itself. I am currently being hunted by the entire Canadian Forces, RCMP, & CSIS. Why because I have exposed how many terrorists live here & how they raise funds here, etc.. I am obvioulsy somewhat good at stealth seeings as how they have not found me yet. I can not hide forever though. I will serve your country, train your soldiers, fight your wars, hunt down terrorists. I just want to be free from these communists who seek to destroy me, & harvest my body to make clones of me & in the future use against you. Help me soon or it may be too late.

Quayludes, Quayludes I've had too many Quayludes! Or am I just kidding? But you have to ask yourself & question the competencies of the entire Canadian system if a guy like me who isn't even trying to hide or run can elude them for months on end right here in Canada. You want some unique genetic material I am it. I could probably even modify myself even more with the attention of some scientists, I wanted to be a genetic engineer as a teen. I have some radical ideas & I am sure some one like myself could handle the modifications. But like I said before I am running out of time.

I can lower my heart rate, drop my body tempurature, sometimes not register on infrared, or just hide in plain sight like I am now. With what I think I can do I could do even more funky things

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I am not communist the Canadians seek to make me into one. I like freedom & democracy. That is why Canada is hunting me, I will not bend to their communist ways. This is in response to the guy who just left the little comment. Canada wants to destroy me because I will not joins it's army. Canada is just waiting to stab the US & UK in the back when China vies for power. I am sending a warning out now to all who love freedom & democracy to watch Canada. They will try to hump your legs when you least suspect it. Read this blog & my other one for more info.

Betrayed

Well I have no idea why the RCMP terrorist unit is looking for me. If they don't like my Blog they could just say so. Anyhow Canada has now named me a terrorist. That's kinda' funny considering how I am quite the opposite. Fellow citizens of Canada I now warn you to look out for the government & police, I think I have hit the nail on the head. Anyhow sooner or later I will get to the bottom of this. Perhaps Canada is no longer a free country & the communists are now in control flee while you can if it is true. Obviously if there is not another post or blog by me I have been killed or am in prison somewhere.

Tengo que reir donde I

Today I head back out on the road
Tommorow une autre ville
El dia despues de un misterio
Sometimes I get afraid
Peut-etre je suis alle trop loin
Otra parte dice no lejos bastante
Piece by piece I lose myself
Morceau par morceau perds ma vieille vie
Pedazo por el pedazo que comienzo otra vida
So much for my plans
Tellement pour d'autres projette
Tengo que reir donde I

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Here's the english translation, oh & the lines go english, french, & spanish, repeat until the end. The title is spanish.
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I have to laugh where I found myself

Today I head back out on the road
Tommorow another town
The day after a mystery
Sometimes I get afraid
Maybe I've gone too far
Another part says not far enough
Piece by piece I lose myself
Piece by piece I lose my old life
Piece by piece I begin another life
So much for my plans
So much for others plans
I have to laugh where I've found myself

A Slight Deviation

I was gonna write about my time as a cowboy but I think I'll leave for now it's been a long time since I wrote poem. I also just finished going to the Urban Dictionary cuz I was curious about some stuff that I have seen & wondered what it meant then looked up common things I use & other stuff. Like I said I am still new to all this but can do a few things here & there & have done a few things as well. Anyhow that don't matter everything is evolving & really it deepends on who you are hanging with & what language or slang you are using. Mine language is a mumbo jumbo or interent, military, gaming, artist, parks, Canadian, English, American, various labour trades, etc.. Some of it means nothing really & is filler & in others it is more devious or has more than one meaning, most of it is simply what it is & nothing more, etc.. I guess really if you know me well enough you know what I am trying to explain or whatever & won't freak out or cream your jeans if you mistake it for something else. So in saying all of that I guess I am not gonna' write a poem cuz folks will go what's he really saying? That's the thing everything is just so fucked up. I guess I should've taken some picture monkeyed around with it & babbled on about it.

Ah it's been awhile so I guess I will flex the old poetry muscle that has grown kinda' weak. I used to be a nut & hang out at cafes & write in my little books & get all morbid. Of course time went on & so did life & now if I write a poem a week that is amazing. For a few years there it was a miracle if I banged out a poem a month. When I first started writing poetry I wanted to beat Alfred Lord Tennyson's 10, 000 + poems. Kinda' unfair since he's dead & can't write more, but it was a lofty goal. One that took me over a decade to do, I now have over 15,000+ (I stopped counting). There is a lot of stuff to write about even though there really are only just 32 real subjects (plus or minus 2 I can't remember the exact number). I have written on some subjects extensively but no matter what there is always a new twist or I learn a new trick or technique or find another way to present it, etc., etc... I used to be very serious about poetry & studied the various styles & tried my hand at several. My early favourite was the typical dumb assed rhyming ones. Sure there is an art to it but often they are so cliched & it is quite easy to find rhymes that are almost the same by other authors. So I jumped into the free verse or free style or what ever the hell you want to call it & have been happy with it ever since. It was a bit odd at first I must admit but after awhile I now look back & think the other forms are a bit odd. Of course to write a really good song you need a good hook & usually you have to rhyme something or repeat something in most cases although there aresome that don't. What I now am irritated by is villanelles or maybe I am just that way tonight. I tackled them a few times. They were to poppy I thought so I left them alone & what a pain in the as they are. You really have to work at it to make a good one & I will say I made one good one, one shitty one, & the rest were inbetween.

Anyhow here we go, I'm gonna' go take a piss first then grab some tea or whatever so my brain can somewhat detach itself from what I just wrote but it is late in the evening when I am most creative but usually those creations span upon what I have been thinking all day or unless I get distracted by something & wander into another frame of thought. Maybe I'll throw on some tea as well. I wish I could smoke in this apartment fuck I hate not being able to smoke while writing. It's kinda' like the bridge that links me to another place.

I have been noticing lately how I have been repeating myself frequently in speach or writing & I guess that is because folks from Calgary were so stupid & some can't understand english so I often would repeat mself just so they could figure out what I was trying to say. Sometimes it got really bad & I literally had to purposely slow down my speech. I had great fun doing so, I must say, anyways enoguh of that I am going to try & write something.
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It's Always One More Time

Been out on the raod wandering longer than I normally do
& like every time or in certain situations
I end up saying
"One more time"
"This is the last adventure" or something stupid like that
It never is
Things spin out of control even more
If things weren't bad before they sure are now
Then again I look at what I've done
Where I've been
Whom I've met
Things that will never repeat again
That day at English Bay where I played my dobro to the seagulls
& the passing ships
The one time, make that several times
I almost got killed in an avalanche in the Rockies
How I was on some movie set with some major star just a few feet away
Rolling over in bed & finding it empty or someone there
The time where I woke up in the drunk tank caked in my own blood
Difibulator marks on my chest & a cop laughing at me
Then handing me my mug shot
The rush of taking part in a show where I was merely icing on a cake
But before 14,000 people
With tons of lights, cameras, fireworks, kids dancing, me on stilts
The meanacing rain that threatened to plunge what normally was a piece of cake
Into a serious disaster for either me or someone else
Hanging out backstage
Flopping out on the floor of a dance studio to watch some video
Meanwhile next door the company is practicing
Me saying I want to join am given access to things most people weren't
Oh the list goes on & on
Various hotels, campsites, couches, etc..
Trains, planes, buses, boats, cars, snowmobiles, dogsleds, bicycles, foot power
The scent of the wind in various places
Barrometric pressure
The moon, the night, the stars
The dawn, the smell of grass, moss
Sand between my toes
Surf biting at my ankles
Wind caressing my hair
All those still pictures in my brain
The movies
The plays that get distorted over time
My rewritten scripts for my eyes only
Oh I could go on & on
But I need a smoke
Yes tabbaco
You gotta' love it.

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This poem is more or less about my life up til now in a very condensed version leaving a few billion things out. I am amazed at how docile I have become though. My adventures are mainly in art now. How canI take what I've already done one step further, explore another medium, combine stuff, or rearrange something. Thre are just so many ways to go about doing art it really is mind numbing. Like most folks I don't have much of an attention span I start something & I drop it when it becomes to tough or I lose interest. Poetry & writing are things I have continued to chug away at though. Digital photography is starting to take a hold of me as well as videography, & website design when I still had one. Other things I can't do also cuz I am on the road or am currently too broke. I have never been one to follow trends so I tend to avoid them when possible. More or less I am still amazed I am here. There were so many times I could have kicked the bucket. There were a couple of times I idid. So I guess I enjoy each day for what it is or atelast try too. It isn't always possible, life has a funny way of doing things you don't expect.

The Hands That Rocked My Laptop & Mouse.

This should be interesting to see provided that it actually displays the way it looks as I am typing it. Anyhow what we have here is my left hand & my right hand which I have for now dubbed Freedom & Democracy, lol. One of my old dance teacher's (Hannah Stilwell) said I should be a hand model. I don't find my hands all that sexy, but I think it is the fact that you can see my veins, my bones & the muscles move in them which makes them so appealing. Add to that my fingers are long & crooked like an artists, but also when you look at them are rather muscular. Oh & I forgot look at those knuckles. These are not the best pictures to represent them. True I don't have the mucular thumbs as one of my old workmates does ( I wonder if Christy or anyone of the parks folks will ever read this, they'd laugh for sure. Anyhow where that stems from is Christie got transferred to one of the crews I was on due some dysfunction with her former crew. For those of you who don't know if a crew can survive a whole summer together & not go insane it is something of a miracle, okay back to Christy & her thumbs. There was one day I was sitting next to her in the back & she knows & everyone else knows she is a good looking lass, it's fairly easy to see. Anyhow trying to be a nice co-worker I decided to talk about 2 of hers attributes I don't think anyone had mentioned to her before. So there we were rolling down the road for some odd reason there was a dead silence in the truck so I decided to pipe up my new discovery. "U-m Christy ... I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but damn you have some muscular thumbs!" Then the whole truck was in hysterics including Christy.)

So now my train of thought is now gone but ... I can't really think, my brain is jello. I just finished playing Deus Ex, The Invisible War, due to having a lot of free time on my hands. What a game. Yes not as funky as some other games but overall it is one heck of a game. I picked it up from the bargain bin, when it first came out my then gaming rig couldn't handle it. It was 300 mhz under the minimum specifications. Even with it overclocked to 13333 from 1000mhz. The way some games read my processor was still at 1000mhz. Yeah that was a while ago. My current tower is an HP, AMD Athlon 3200 I think, with a 256 mgb AGP ATI graphics card, a middle of the road sound card, & 1gig or ram. Not a bad unit (it was store bought then modified by me, I think that is a requirement of geeks, to mod your own pc to some extent or build a custom. I prefer doing the customs, but can't right now due to cash. [If you want me to build you a custom be prepared to fork out some dough cuz I could probably make one kick ass screaming machine for gaming, I have no clue as to how to hook up networks or anything else like that]Plus trying out store bought units once in awhile is fun.) It's got some other things in it as well, but even now it is dated. That was last years model. Computers now are screaming way beyond that. Even then it was okay but not too high end in specs, etc.. My laptop is a Compaq Presario with an AMD 64 bit Turion processor, pci express shared graphics card by ATI & 512 mgb or ram. Not a monster machine but for the road, & basic stuff it's okay. Anyhow this puppy can andle some of the older games that were to high for my way older pc. It's funny how many you collect after awhile. When I left cowtown I had to toss into the dumpster all of my acient Macs from the mid 90's due them being outdated, but belive me when I say I love Macs more than PCs. Although AMD is managing to keep my interest in this platform & not too mention pcs are cheaper than Macs, upgrades are cheaper, & there is more software. I kept the hard drives though. I get freaked out about stuff like that. Especially how considering when the stuff I can cook up in my brain some folks can actually do to pcs.

I once went to school with Alfred Huger who now works for Symantec. I used to freak him out with the stuff I'd cook up when other students asked if the internet was safe. I'd say stuff that most hackers/ crackers or whatever you want to call them know. I just watched movies & then added some of my own creativity about what I knew or thought could be done. Anyways Alf said " I'm gonna' make it my life's mission to stop people like you." It looks like he's doing one heck of a job. As for me & my hacking ability it doesn't exist. I was merely acting. I am a good actor though. Maybe in my next entry I'll take a look back at how I might have helped an Albertan chuckwagon racer win the Calgary Stampede chuckwagons races, back in the 90's when I briefly was a cowhand at his stables.

The Door To Infinite Possibilities

I love the internet, without out it I would have gone crazy up here in the north. Anyhow this is how I get here & muck about. I like the screen, but my tower in storage can kick this puppies butt, still none the less it has let me edit video, make music, play games, surf, chat, blog, etc..

When I was a kid I had no nose for technology. I was a little hellion, doing stuff most normal kids do. Go to school, torture little insects, light fires, etc.. Then somewhere I got into being a goodie, goodie, then it fell apart, blah, blah, blah. Life was just so simple. Now it's messed up, I like that to some extent. When life starts to get too dull it drives me crazy & then I go & start something.

When I do get rolling out of this town I will be glad to start all over again. Bankruptcy, bad health, bah, who cares, I am still one hell of an artist. I get off on making art. Be it photos, a blog entry, a poem, a video, a song, a dance, whatever, it brings immence satisfaction. They are in a way like little beasties. My spawn. Some have died off, some are lost, some are old & wrinkly, so on & so forth. Heck there is even the odd mutant or clone in there as well, lol. You can take the arts away from the artist, but you never take away the creativity. If anything this who catastrophe has rejuvenated me & I can't wait to start digging myself out of this pit. If anyone thought I had that "thing" that not too many folks posses, this has tarnished it but made it more resilant. I am beyond a ninja in regards to art I am whatever the next thing above that is. Ninja master, maybe or something like that, lol. Warlord. The Sun Tzu of art. I once said that somewhere. "Art is War & War is Art." Just think about it. There as so many paralells & what have you. Anyhow I have babbled on long enough, I made this post just because I wanted to show some folks my desktop in some forums. Yes forums are wierd, there are all sorts of topics. This is a show me your & I'll show you mine sorta' topic. It is so strange, how communities evolve. Like if you really get into this whole thing there are just so many interesting things to do. Of course a lot of you already know this, but this is for the person who is sorta' new to the whole thing. I recall back to when I knew nothing, then eventually learned this & that along the way. It's bizzare the way things go. It's kinda' like life but not really. Anyhow until I can e-mail myself anywhere I want I guess I will continue to wish for better technology. I have lost my train of thought. It's late, I should be getting ready to go to sleep & catch a ride tommorow, but seeings as how I was diverted I must put it off until I get a little bit more strength & mobility back. It takes me 3 years to get into super wicked shape, but just a few months to kinda' sorta' okay shape. I am currently at the point I am usually at in May of each year. Yes despite it being winter, God damn cold & all that jazz I have managed to keep a better level of fitness than I normally do. Of course last year I wasn't on the road either. You gotta' keep in shape enough so you can survive almost any situation I used to have as a rule. Latlely though I have stopped being the ironman & take trains, planes, & other transport rather than just hitching or humping it. I am afraid to say I have become a little bit softer, this is what culture & the arts has done. LMAO, oh well atleast I still got it in me to wander aimlessly.

Government Conspiracies, LOL

Well things in my life are just wierd. I am beggining to wonder if I was selectively bred, then genetically altered, then forced to live a rather unordinary life, further genetically altered, then ... Yes, someone screwed up. They let me have to much rope. So now instead of being the ultimate soldier (I have met a few of the others they have tried too experiment on & they are rather entertaining to say the least), I am just another secret Canadian Forces experiement that went in the tiolet. I have always wondered why I have liked the idea of mutants, clones, etc.. That coud be why people have said they have seen me in places I have never been. So I wonder am I the pinnacle of my line, an absolute catastrophe, or a fascinating irregularity. Probably a little of each & then some. Anyhow after being kidnapped forced to watch Canadian television & exposed to Canadian Forces television productions I must say, I am no further to doing what they want & being a nice boy & joining. I never will. In my previous post I must have been tipped off by something or someone (yes I can read some peoples' brains like a book to some extent sometimes). I wrote about alien abduction. Well this was Canadian abduction. People will say why didn't you report it to the RCMP, CSIS, the CF, or any other Canadian organization or police force. Simple they would say I was crazy & lock me up or who knows. I was going to call the FBI in the states since they specialize in kidnappings, (or some other folks seeings as how I am more loyal to the US, & their idieology than Canada's [Would Americans save me? who knows, maybe they all just like me cuz I am a kook & don't like commies or terrorists]) but seeings as how I have never been kidnapped before I decided to see what it was like. It was boring. Anyhow beware citizens of the world when visiting Canada, kooky things happen. Like I have said before if you ever see me in a Canadian uniform, know this, I am not there of free will, & more than likely they have removed my brain, or it is a cheap clone of me & not the real me. If there were to be clone troops in Canada I would be bold enough to say they would have more than likely been fashioned after me. Anyhow they can continue to be foolish & play their dumb games I will just get bored & laugh, or make fun of them as I always do when they do something outlandish. I just want to get back to making art, acting, dance, theatre, poetry, painting, video making, photography, website design & all the other stuff that goes along with it. Oh yeah I forgot making music as well. I miss playing guitar.