Friday, March 10, 2006

A Slight Deviation

I was gonna write about my time as a cowboy but I think I'll leave for now it's been a long time since I wrote poem. I also just finished going to the Urban Dictionary cuz I was curious about some stuff that I have seen & wondered what it meant then looked up common things I use & other stuff. Like I said I am still new to all this but can do a few things here & there & have done a few things as well. Anyhow that don't matter everything is evolving & really it deepends on who you are hanging with & what language or slang you are using. Mine language is a mumbo jumbo or interent, military, gaming, artist, parks, Canadian, English, American, various labour trades, etc.. Some of it means nothing really & is filler & in others it is more devious or has more than one meaning, most of it is simply what it is & nothing more, etc.. I guess really if you know me well enough you know what I am trying to explain or whatever & won't freak out or cream your jeans if you mistake it for something else. So in saying all of that I guess I am not gonna' write a poem cuz folks will go what's he really saying? That's the thing everything is just so fucked up. I guess I should've taken some picture monkeyed around with it & babbled on about it.

Ah it's been awhile so I guess I will flex the old poetry muscle that has grown kinda' weak. I used to be a nut & hang out at cafes & write in my little books & get all morbid. Of course time went on & so did life & now if I write a poem a week that is amazing. For a few years there it was a miracle if I banged out a poem a month. When I first started writing poetry I wanted to beat Alfred Lord Tennyson's 10, 000 + poems. Kinda' unfair since he's dead & can't write more, but it was a lofty goal. One that took me over a decade to do, I now have over 15,000+ (I stopped counting). There is a lot of stuff to write about even though there really are only just 32 real subjects (plus or minus 2 I can't remember the exact number). I have written on some subjects extensively but no matter what there is always a new twist or I learn a new trick or technique or find another way to present it, etc., etc... I used to be very serious about poetry & studied the various styles & tried my hand at several. My early favourite was the typical dumb assed rhyming ones. Sure there is an art to it but often they are so cliched & it is quite easy to find rhymes that are almost the same by other authors. So I jumped into the free verse or free style or what ever the hell you want to call it & have been happy with it ever since. It was a bit odd at first I must admit but after awhile I now look back & think the other forms are a bit odd. Of course to write a really good song you need a good hook & usually you have to rhyme something or repeat something in most cases although there aresome that don't. What I now am irritated by is villanelles or maybe I am just that way tonight. I tackled them a few times. They were to poppy I thought so I left them alone & what a pain in the as they are. You really have to work at it to make a good one & I will say I made one good one, one shitty one, & the rest were inbetween.

Anyhow here we go, I'm gonna' go take a piss first then grab some tea or whatever so my brain can somewhat detach itself from what I just wrote but it is late in the evening when I am most creative but usually those creations span upon what I have been thinking all day or unless I get distracted by something & wander into another frame of thought. Maybe I'll throw on some tea as well. I wish I could smoke in this apartment fuck I hate not being able to smoke while writing. It's kinda' like the bridge that links me to another place.

I have been noticing lately how I have been repeating myself frequently in speach or writing & I guess that is because folks from Calgary were so stupid & some can't understand english so I often would repeat mself just so they could figure out what I was trying to say. Sometimes it got really bad & I literally had to purposely slow down my speech. I had great fun doing so, I must say, anyways enoguh of that I am going to try & write something.
************************************************************************************

It's Always One More Time

Been out on the raod wandering longer than I normally do
& like every time or in certain situations
I end up saying
"One more time"
"This is the last adventure" or something stupid like that
It never is
Things spin out of control even more
If things weren't bad before they sure are now
Then again I look at what I've done
Where I've been
Whom I've met
Things that will never repeat again
That day at English Bay where I played my dobro to the seagulls
& the passing ships
The one time, make that several times
I almost got killed in an avalanche in the Rockies
How I was on some movie set with some major star just a few feet away
Rolling over in bed & finding it empty or someone there
The time where I woke up in the drunk tank caked in my own blood
Difibulator marks on my chest & a cop laughing at me
Then handing me my mug shot
The rush of taking part in a show where I was merely icing on a cake
But before 14,000 people
With tons of lights, cameras, fireworks, kids dancing, me on stilts
The meanacing rain that threatened to plunge what normally was a piece of cake
Into a serious disaster for either me or someone else
Hanging out backstage
Flopping out on the floor of a dance studio to watch some video
Meanwhile next door the company is practicing
Me saying I want to join am given access to things most people weren't
Oh the list goes on & on
Various hotels, campsites, couches, etc..
Trains, planes, buses, boats, cars, snowmobiles, dogsleds, bicycles, foot power
The scent of the wind in various places
Barrometric pressure
The moon, the night, the stars
The dawn, the smell of grass, moss
Sand between my toes
Surf biting at my ankles
Wind caressing my hair
All those still pictures in my brain
The movies
The plays that get distorted over time
My rewritten scripts for my eyes only
Oh I could go on & on
But I need a smoke
Yes tabbaco
You gotta' love it.

************************************************************************************

This poem is more or less about my life up til now in a very condensed version leaving a few billion things out. I am amazed at how docile I have become though. My adventures are mainly in art now. How canI take what I've already done one step further, explore another medium, combine stuff, or rearrange something. Thre are just so many ways to go about doing art it really is mind numbing. Like most folks I don't have much of an attention span I start something & I drop it when it becomes to tough or I lose interest. Poetry & writing are things I have continued to chug away at though. Digital photography is starting to take a hold of me as well as videography, & website design when I still had one. Other things I can't do also cuz I am on the road or am currently too broke. I have never been one to follow trends so I tend to avoid them when possible. More or less I am still amazed I am here. There were so many times I could have kicked the bucket. There were a couple of times I idid. So I guess I enjoy each day for what it is or atelast try too. It isn't always possible, life has a funny way of doing things you don't expect.

No comments: